Same but Different

It's the same time, but not the same road. Similar work, but not the same desk, not the same view! Like water, I've poured myself into another vase to take a new form.

My life since the second half of 2023 was a slow drive, looking at birds and butterflies, enjoying the newness of being a published poet.

This spring season, I have changed the gear, taken the right turn onto the fast lane.

I've been here before, but I feel ready to look at my familiar landscapes from a whole new APERTURE!

Last year, I made a decision to move away from the corporate burnout, to choose clearly between designing and management. I kept an open diary, took it easy and worked on some small scale freelance projects.

But it was by serendipity that I came across a new opportunity and I decided to give it a shot. Financial independence is very very important to me. I cannot allow myself to be financially dependent on my husband. That's how my sister and I have been raised. I'm not comfortable just being a fancy artist and a poet and not a professional. Hence I've accepted this new route that promises to let me stay very close to landscape design, at the same time, allowing me time to focus on the artist and poet parts of me. I won't call it a 'lazy girl job’ but I hope to sidestep the burnout and prioritize “life ”in the work-life balance. Plus the big bucks!

My first item from the new year resolution list has definitely been ticked off. Lets just say, as long as the mind and body can take it, keep working, earning, saving and leading a financially and creatively fulfilling life. Of course, fitting everything from the laid back life into the new routines is a challenge. So I’m trying to keep jogging and fast walking, if not running!

This option is surely better than waiting around for a freelance project for weeks, or not making much by the end of the month, leaving you feeling dissatisfied. Also better than being in a highly corporate set up, having no design time, being answerable to rude managers, having to justify the smallest design decisions and carrying the burden of a too long professional relationship with one company!

Change is good. Different is better than the same! Sometimes changing the surroundings is more effective than changing yourself! How same, how different, is always a question…

I am going to keep drifting with the flow and trying to find my niche again, looking out from this new APERTURE.

#newjob #worklifebalance #professional #notjustpoet #financialfreedom 

:: Through a new APERTURE ::

My Memory of YOU

 Its been almost 3 years since my sister and I lost our mother. But her memories just come and grip us every now and then and coincidentally, at the same time! I think, its this time of the year that the mind floods with her memories and they keep reminding us of her last days in March 2021.

Since I wrote this poem originally in my mother tongue, Marathi, I've also translated it into English, myself because automated translations never seem to do justice to the original works.

तुझी आठवण

वार्‍याच्या एका हलक्या लाटेबरोबर, 

मनाच्या काठावर अचानक येऊन बसते…

तुझी आठवण. 

तू असतीस तर हे म्हणाली असतीस, 

तू असतीस तर हे केलं असतं, 

याची आठवण करून देते…

तुझी आठवण. 

ओळखीच्या रस्त्यांवरून चालताना, 

एका अनोळखी वळणावर डोकावते...

संध्याकाळची रात्र होताना

काळोखाच्या चादरीवर चांदण्या वेचत राहते. 

तू लिहिलेल्या पुस्तकात तुला शोधायला निघते…

पण भेटते स्वतःलाच तुझ्या गोष्टींमध्ये!

तू असतीस तर तुलाही माझ्या कवितेत 

तुझा उल्लेख सापडला असता!

आणि अशीच पुन्हा एकदा कागदाच्या सुगंधात 

अचानक एका ओळीवर थांबून

हळूच हाक मारते…

तुझी आठवण!

- नताशा बेडेकर

My memory of YOU

Drifting with a wave of the breeze,

she sits unknowingly

on the edge of the mind —

my memory of YOU.

She reminds me

of what you would have said…

what we could have done together, 

if only you were here…

Walking down familiar roads,

she peeps from behind an unfamiliar bend.

As the evening turns older and wiser,

she plucks stars from

the night’s dark blanket.

I set out to find you,

through your book,

but end up finding myself

in the stories you've written.

How I wish you could have found yourself

in the lines of my poems…

if only you were here…

And then once again,

in the fragrance of timeworn diary pages,

suddenly she pauses upon a sentence,

and calls out to me…

my memory of YOU.

:: Rajgad, Pune (2017) :: 

Sunny Side Up

At sunset hour, on a lazy Friday, I look out from my balcony to the horizon. I love how the sun drenched facades of the buildings shimmer in the golden light. I wish to be right there, soaking up the sunshine.

I see the Zaafarana park down below. Nice and green grass, with sun rays filtering through the branches of the Ghaf trees. I wish I could just fly down and land on my toes exactly on that sunlit spot.

I quickly change into my sports clothes and trainers, to catch that magic show. But somehow by the time I reach there, the magic witnessed from the balcony is nowhere to be found.

Similarly, as I drive past those same sun-facing buildings on some evenings when I drop my son to football, I decide to stop by and feel the sun’s warmth on my skin. But again, the charm of the balcony view is lost.

Isn't it the same with most things in life, I wonder! Everything that looks attractive and shiny from a distance, may not be as exciting when you go close enough to touch it! We spend so much effort and energy trying to run after such seemingly phenomenal moments, when in reality they can just be calmly dealt with at our own pace. Some things are best experienced from far, giving them the correct space and a comfortable distance.

I have come to realise now, sometimes it's just better to be a spectator than trying to be the artist or the director, so as not to spoil the beauty of a rare naturally magical moment, with its sunny side up!