Photo Phobia

It is a very recent finding. Yes. I have photo phobia. It’s a mental disorder that leads to sleeplessness and sarcasm. I was living with it for quite some time I guess. Some of my photos make me go wildly critical and I find myself laughing and crying at the same time, on the verge of slight madness. Well, in my too - uncomfortable -to- admit- comfort zone, perhaps!

Just today, I got some scanned old school photos from a childhood friend. We were a bunch of adolescent school girls in growing shapeless bodies and obviously unconditioned uncombed tresses. Somebody give them some shampoo please! I thought…I pleaded ...I yelped…! And that’s how my paranoia got detected.

Great. Congratulations. I know a lot more about me now!

This critical medical condition goes way back into a pre digital gawky teenage that broke out like acne into gullible college years. It was until I mastered the art of learning how to take pictures with our very classy Olympus film camera, a gift from my father. The camera was a bit moody. Just like my grandfather, my father and then me. My father was convinced, it was in safe hands as I managed to take some reasonably aesthetic pictures in one single film, without the privilege of deleting unwanted pictures or cropping undesired backgrounds. I had tamed the camera! But by mistake I got the photos printed to a larger size than to a budget friendly postcard size. I wanted to delete some irritating bits and the big size gave me that tempting chance. So I just grabbed a steel ruler and a cutter and simply chopped off the non aesthetic parts of the picture. I now think that was the first time my rare obsession surfaced, which was unknowingly masked off as a creative exercise back then.

A peek into my wedding photo stories is like opening a can of worms! I am yet to find one fairly acceptable picture of myself and my husband in the whole big laminated album full of plastic chairs, slippers and tube lights and a water cooler! But since we got married seven years ago in the olden days when there were no digital cameras but one moderately energetic old guy who most importantly, came free with the wedding hall, and who could barely balance the film camera with a large yellow flash light on it, in his very creative hands, I guess one had to live with such fiascos.

Don’t even get me started with our cocktail party photos. I got about five zoomed in shots of my back. The guy in the photo must be my husband. Well, I can make out from the side view of his shirt! And then there were some pictures of people I don’t even know! That was a superb album --- in my head!

On my engagement day, I had mustered the courage to borrow a small digital camera from some neighbour’s friend’s friend. Some stranger in the crowd accidentally but luckily for me took one photo that day. It was only of our hands with the exchanged rings. All my love to that stranger. That is one of the best pictures I have preserved! My parents, relatives and everyone from the girl’s side mistook the video team to be the photographers, in the end to find no pictures but only a short and spicy south Indian engagement film with mesmerizingly melodramatic sound effects (highly recommended to those with normal mental conditions).

I got my second attack of photo paranoia right after watching that DVD!

And today, the school snaps reconfirmed it.I dare not show you those awesome pictures as I am afraid, the infection might get passed on to some of you dear readers!

My love affair with the digital camera has finally helped me fight this disturbing mental situation ;)

Those who have been suffering in silence just like me, grab a good camera and shoot!...just shoot them all I say !!!