'Sense' in Sensitivity

I call myself sensitive. A harsh word can disturb me for the rest of the day…I cry many a times even when I do not know why exactly I feel the need to. But after that, I feel lighter. And I start fresh. I guess I am habituated to that routine. Somewhere inside, I too know, it is not a wise move to show your weaknesses to the world. But still I continue to cry when my mind, safeguarded by my own limits, goes out of its usual comfort zone. I am amazed to find that people around me almost never behave like this. How can one keep a straight face if there is a little storm inside!Why do I find it too difficult to hide a mood?

Even then,I strongly believe, it is good to identify with an emotion. Even better is to be able to express it well.

Hence I often wonder what sensitivity really means…I suppose it’s different for everybody. There is a fine line between being emotional and being sensitive.

When the Indian cricket team won the world cup, my husband had hints of tears around his eyes. I was careless. I mocked his ‘sensitivity’ …but deep down, I knew his seemed to be on a much higher level! To be able to share the happiness in someone else's achievement is so generous! A vague artistic movie at the film festival often brings tears to my father’s eyes…out of a mixed feeling of awe and admiration that somewhere takes him back to his subconscious mind. Tears are just a reply to a feeling within --- of compassion, care, consideration or utter wonderment. A sentiment large enough of engulf you. His ‘sensitivity’ is on a whole new plane.

Then why does my sensitivity seem so shallow? Like a cowardly stance to surrender to emotions…or a selfish way out, to think just about my own thoughts? Am I really sensitive?

After all this analysis, I just looked at the word itself… and I got the answer!

Being sensitive is to be able to ‘sense’ the most ---from a place that has inspired you, a person, a film, a painting, a book, a piece of art… to be able to trace the hidden deeper meaning of each of your experiences in life and take it with you. To open your eyes and just look; to recognize the ripples in the water; to try and collect what the ever wandering wind carries with him…just to “sense” each occurrence that touches you and to make it your own. Smiles, goose bumps, silence… tears. The reaction is your own interpretation of the occasion…and an inspiration for a new creation thereafter.