Sleepwalk

Neither spirit, nor excitement,

I drift backwards.

I am sleepwalking on autopilot,

mind wrapped inwards.

I justify my duties,

but I am not alive.

For a split second, I feel

I am about to wake up

and this nightmare will vanish

into that same wicked darkness,

it was born from.

Is this for real?

Pinch me, O uncanny life

to end this unsettling episode.

I want to sigh with relief

and go back to sleep like a cat.

I become an empty jar,

never to be full again.

O life, I surrender to your plans.

I shall continue to sleepwalk

through the rest of my journey.

My story will end

with the little of myself

that is now left in me…

:: Life’s baffling incidents have left me heartbroken. In the past month, I have faced totally unexpected circumstances...something that I thought, would never happen to me and my family. Maybe I have taken things for granted. Life has taken us back to where we started. I hope this is a temporary setback. But this has been enough to take away all my spirit. I don’t think I can dream any more. I don’t want to be unfair to my children. I want to wholeheartedly see my five year old’s amazing drawings that capture the finest of detail. I want to still be excited about my baby’s little developments each day. I don’t know if this is as bad as I am making it out to be. But I have forgotten how to be myself… Even if tomorrow things come back to normal, I am afraid, I won’t come back to my old expressive self. I have just lost interest in my own life. I don’t want to make any future plans or share any moments and memories.

Life is like a set of card houses. When one falls, everything collapses.